Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Looking Back

This morning, in my long sweatpants and sweatshirt (it WAS 60 degrees mind you....rainy season brings in the cold!),  I was re-reading portions of my journal that I've kept since last summer. It charted some of my feelings as we prepared to leave for Uganda, when we arrived, and the day-to-day living. Boy, what a journey it has been! As we now have less than 3 months to go before our flight that takes us out of Uganda, to our layover city of London (and a one day stay to see the city!) , and finally - home, my journal reminded me of my human-ness during this whole year.   

The first entries were fraught with worry and concern....would we fundraise enough? would UG feel like home?  what about healthcare?  what about safety?   When we arrived, my entries began to simmer....concerned mostly with satisfaction of arriving safely, feeling at home, ready to begin.  Then, slowly, you can see where God started to work on me. Though it was the kind you usually don't like to experience.  All my fears and insecurities were blown wide open with situations that tested my patience, my hidden self-love-importance-worship, my marriage, my relationship with my children, my confidence. All of it - shredded. Then slowly, sewn back up.  

 Around 5 months in, you start to see the growth.  The field had been sowed with good seed and was beginning to grow.  My journals began to be less about me and my struggles, and more about praising God for allowing me to see the blessings.  The growth in an almost 12 year old marriage.  The ability to spend so much time with my girls and work on their character, learn more about the bible, see them learn how to play together in a new way, see them serve with child-like passion and fun.  The love of the people we are serving.

 And finally, now, in the last few entries you begin to see harvest. It's a beautiful bounty as I take in the gorgeousness of these people and their country. And there's preparation for what lies ahead, taking home our experiences - with NO worry.  Less stress.  Because I really have learned this year that God IS in control.  No matter what the struggles, He is there....guiding us while using circumstances and situations and people to mold us.  His way is perfect.  

I have learned to be involved in the process, but to try not to control it.  Be involved in the raising of my children, but allow for God to do His incredible work in them without fear and control on my part.  Be involved in my marriage, but rely on God to be the one who unites. I can't ever be enough for Boog. Nor can he be for me.  But if we listen and follow His plans for US together, in that is the security. Also, be involved in situations that arise in life and pray for things to happen, but praise Him when they happen and praise Him when they don't. To be a part of the living, the inspiring, the action, the work....but know that ultimately, it is HIS. His glory. His story. 

Sophie & Grace and their co-op class, singing for Hope Int'l School

Grace, playing...
Sophie, playing...
My girls learning to be sisters who love each other.
4th time at the Nile (not many people can say that!)

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