This is Me

A crazy-haired chicken.

Let me explain. In Africa, while walking in the dirt yards of one of the children's prisons, I noticed a small chicken walking around, probably looking for food. It literally looked like it had stuck its beak in an electric socket. Fried, crazy hair....wandering aimlessly.

My friend, Kristi & I, later joked that that poor bird sometimes resembled us. A mess. Crazy. Strange birds amongst normal birds.

I feel a bit like that bird now.
Uncentered.
On the wrong chart (where's the chart again?)
Too busy.
Too tired.
Giving my all & coming up short.
Not giving anything & coming up way short.
Ragged.
Undisciplined.
Unenthused.
Fake.
Distant.

Wow. What a great list, huh? Makes you want to come to my house for dinner for sure.

Well, as we all do, I package it pretty. I bundle it up, put it in this small little part of my brain *well, all except for the too tired part.....that I show!* and let it sit there.....festering. It festers. It festers. It festers. And then I try to do something about it. It works for a while, but the crazy-haired bird always comes back.

My hubs preached at our church the other night about how we, like the Israelites and most Christians out there, keep on forgetting about the awesome "IS"ness of God. What He Is. How He IS. Who He IS. How He IS the one and only God....Creator of All Things. Instead we focus on the "bizness" of God. What can He do for us? God help me with this. God I need you to do _____.

I can surely say that this post is me, yelling with my barbaric yawp (Dead Poets, anyone?), that I am in need of Him. My undisciplined self has been undisciplined too long. I've allowed the frontrunners to run in front for too long.......my "bizness" with God has been too shallow.

If I can't even take what I saw in Africa and turn that into a bigger, more disciplined desire for Him alone here at home, then what in the world will it take? I'm scared to answer that question.