Saturday, August 27, 2011

Remembering....

I was uber thrilled when the Sixty Feet tees arrived in the mail. One, because I know I'll be mailing one off to my giveaway winner (don't you love receiving fun mail?) and two, because I know it represents so much more than just a shirt......

It represents my bad days. Like today, when I'm consumed in thought with what it was like being there. Feeling their eyes on me. Crawling on my lap. I remember the little girl, maybe 4, putting the extra two cookies we were giving out into her shabby little dress pocket for later....because she knew she would not be getting anymore anytime soon. I remember a boy, drooling excessively onto his dirty shirt because of his lame body.....and seeing his disfigured body struggle to turn his shirt backwards when it got too wet. I watched at M1 (the first of the children's prison we visited) boys stir a huge cauldron of beans for their dinner....knowing it would be beans the next day...and the next...and the next.....and they were, as one boy told me, "so thankful to know they had food each day."

It represents my good days. When I remember Emmanuel, just a boy of 14, who was so interested in what it was like in America. But not in the ways you think....he wasn't interested in our "stuff". He wanted to know what my daughters were like. Did they go to school? Were they kind to each other? Did my husband like sports? The innocence that shines through their hard lives. I remember when we were leaving, driving the long drive to the airport....I had my face out the window trying to capture that last glimpse of raw beauty in the people's faces.


It represents a changed heart. But a struggling one. I'll be honest and say that today was not a good day. I think I was in a bit of depression. I'm not sure if anyone understands, but maybe the girls that went with me.....I struggle in my downtimes. When I'm busy, I'm too busy to think about those experiences. But when it slows......it hits. And I question. I question why He showed it to me......and stupid things like.... Will I ever quit thinking about "Africa" when I buy things for myself? It's the biggest. guilt. trip. ever. .....and the worst.....what if I forget. Or let it go....or lose interest.....

This is one big obstacle. But I know it's really tiny....

 
Design by Deluxe Designs